hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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