I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
