Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm at about main and main street
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
