I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
