that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
