i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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