so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
