he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize