How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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