I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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