my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
