she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
