Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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