I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
