I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
