Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
