I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
