all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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