I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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