mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
