bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
