Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I forget how to act sober
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