I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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