i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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