Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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