fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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