my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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