My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
