Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Panties = found
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
