i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But theres a keg here and me gusta
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
