I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
3 2 1 whiskey
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
