I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
