Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
