I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
