ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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