sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
