she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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