If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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