You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
