Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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