I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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