I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
