I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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