at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
