i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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