8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
