I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
