Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
