I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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