A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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